Little gray mare...or "Goodbyes aren't easy"

One of the last photos of my "Three Musketeers" together.

Man, just typing that title for this blog post brought tears to my eyes.

It was a hectic weekend; picking up my "dead" car from the mechanic, some plumbing work that needed done at the house, an oil change (which turned into an oil change, fuel filter and rear deferential change) for the truck and finding both gas AND diesel to fill our tanks up with.

Saturday, basically, was shot with chores.  We had hoped to get to H's sometime Saturday afternoon to get the carports, but,  once again, it wasn't meant to be. 

So, H and I arranged for Sunday to be the day we did the pony swap.

To be honest with myself, I kind of buried my head in the sand about it all day. 

Had my heart almost ripped out when I bribed Kaylee to get her out of the house that she could go "pet the horses", and she went running out of the house to Dakini.  Little legs flying as she clutches her "Baby D" (her stuffed dinosaur), screaming "DAKINI!  DAKINI!!"  She runs up to her, and Dakini just stops grazing, doesn't move a muscle as my daughter gently touches her nose.  "Hi Dakini," that little voice says.  I tell her to give Dakini a hug, knowing this was probably the last time she'd hug that sweet mare.  She gave her a hug, and booped her on the nose (Kaylee is a big-time nose booper).  I stuffed down the "OMG, that was probably the last time she'll do that" feeling and we went to the store.

Kaylee petting Dakini.

"Hey kid, whatcha doing?"

Just how Dakini is; unfailingly patient with my daughter.

I finagled Joe to take Kaylee and meet my parents so H could bring Chantilly and we could swap.

In the quiet, after Joe and Kaylee left, I took a break from assembling our new bar stools.  Went outside and spent some time with Dakini.  I hugged her neck.  Thanked her for EVERYTHING.  Told her I loved her.  Begged her to be a good girl for H.  Gently blew into her nostrils for the last time then walked away.

It didn't hurt then.

But, once she was loaded, and Strider was losing his mind about her being on the trailer...and Chantilly was losing her mind at Blondie (H's horse) leaving on the trailer...and H pulled out of my gate, Dakini looked back at me, and I lost it.  I sat on the ATV sobbing my heart out.  My rational mind KNOWS this is best.  My emotional heart...well, it's not ready. 

That little mare came so far in the little over a year I had her.  I know I can't take credit for it.  She did it herself.  She did amazing things for me.  She dug down deep and did what was asked of her.  Sometimes she dug too far.  Which is why I know this is best for her.  She doesn't LOVE LDs.  She did them because I asked it of her.  And she's game to do anything I want, even to her own detriment.  And I didn't want to ultimately be responsible for her being hurt because of something I did, intentional or unintentional. 

Please don't misunderstand, I'm excited to learn and meet Chantilly.  To learn her.  To play with her and figure her out.

But, I guess the reality is that there is always going to be a hole in my heart that is Dakini sized.  I'm GLAD she's with a friend.  And I hope she BEHAVES for my friend, or else she'll get moved down the road.  But if she behaves, she'll have a home for life. 

And if she doesn't...I may strong arm Joe anyway to letting her come back.  Because there's something about a snippet on a gray muzzle that requires a soft kiss.
 

Not so good with the selfies.