High Roller....or "There's plans, and then there's life"

So, here we are more than a month out.

I had zero plans of going, honestly.  It's cold.  I was going to work.  I didn't feel like taking Socks who HAS done an LD at 7iL because I didn't want the sand to get up in his bell boots and rub him.  Just, I wasn't going.

Until...D.C. reached out to me.

"R.C. is going to do the 75 on Tivio, and, he thinks he'll be too tired to do the 50 on the next day.  Would you like to come ride Dez again?  You're welcome to crash in our trailer."

Would I like to ride Dez again?

WOULD I?!!!

Resounding YES!!!

Cue mild freakout as I'm not together, but I have a week to get my shit together, pack (well, repack) my bag and toss everything in the car.

I was supposed to leave on Thursday to do the ride on Friday.  Except on Wednesday, Kaylee was showing some signs of being a little sick.  My parents were going to watch her for the whole weekend as I was planning to go up to B's for New Year's Eve (Joe was supposed to work his reserve police gig).  But, as my sister's husband had just gotten out of the hospital with some intense sickness, and they were going to my parent's house for a delayed Christmas for my sister's granddaughter, mom asked that I not bring Kaylee until after they left.

Cue me buzzing all over the house in frustration as the time gets later and later.  Kaylee was totally fine all day Thursday.  I had INITIALLY planned to arrive at ride camp around 5:30.

Totally didn't happen.  ALL my plans went to hell.  I didn't arrive until 9ish, including getting lost once.  So, missed ride meeting, but, 7iL is a nicely marked venue, easy to follow trails, but I took the map anyway, "just in case".

R.C. and Tivio headed out early on their 75, and D.C. and I laid around for a few extra minutes before we started getting Dez dressed. 

She held him for me, and I swung up, did a few circles, let the front runners head out as I rode up, checked in and headed out on trail.

And almost immediately realized the Dezzie of River Run was NOT the Dezzie of High Roller.  High Roller Dezzie could SEE the horses in front of him.  And I was cold, so grabbed gloves with ZERO grab for the reins.  BIG mistake.  HUGE. 

Dez charged through my hands.  I could NOT slow him down.  He was having none of my shit about staying behind horses and walking, or even gaiting calmly.  I finally gave it up, and let him out just a little because I was bracing so hard with my hands it was, quite frankly, ridiculous.  He's strong and he knows it.  Race brain in full effect.

As we were heading out on this loop, we passed R.C. and Tivio circling back on it.  He quickly assessed the situation and said "There's the Dez I know."

Yes, this was the Dezzie I had been warned about. 

Dez and I keep having "discussions".

"No Dezzie, not so damn fast."

"Dezzie, LISTEN TO ME!!!"
*cue me turning him into the trees to slow him down*

"Dammit Dezzie, what did I just say?"
*cue me running him into the trees again*

We come to an open section and a nice young man on a sleek bay Arab comes up behind us at a trot and he asks to pass.  I of course tell him that's fine.

And they break into a canter once they're a little way ahead of us....and I lose control of Dezzie.

He takes off like a shot, and I'm wrapping the reins around my hands trying to stop the mad dash.

Let me say, I wasn't scared, but I was annoyed.  I was annoyed I wore the wrong type of glove.  I was annoyed Dezzie wouldn't listen.  And I was pissed at his first owner for allowing such a nice and naturally gifted horse to be like this.

I ended up running Dezzie in to a fence (not literally, but right up to it) to stop the mad dash.  The young man offers to stick with us and slow down, for which I am appreciative.  Eventually we end up in the woods, and I'm able to slow Dezzie enough that the young man is free to continue on his ride without waiting on us.  But it involved circles.  Turning Dez all the way around and back tracking the trail.

Every trick I could think of and had at my disposal to get him to listen to me, I was using shamelessly.

We finally come out of the trees, and we have some semblance of being a cohesive team.

He almost looks like he's listening, doesn't he?
Credit to SAGA Lifestyle Photography.

I mean, doesn't he look like he's behaving? 
Credit to SAGA Lifestyle Photography.

I usually don't look this intense and serious. 
Apparently I get this way when focusing on NOT DYING!
Credit to SAGA Lifestyle Photography.

Wheels falling off a little here.  DEZ!  Listen to me!
Credit to SAGA Lifestyle Photography.

Thank you for listening Dez.  Good boy.
Credit to SAGA Lifestyle Photography.

We spend most of this loop completely alone.  We saw a pair of ladies who we'd tried to tuck behind at the beginning.  One of them commented "You said he'd calm down about 7 miles in.  He doesn't look calm and we're a lot further than that in!" *laugh*  "Yeah, apparently he's making a liar of out me today."  And cue me letting him out a little bit because we were STILL fighting about who was driving over 15 miles in.

We come in to camp, and D.C. is there to meet us.  Dezzie is being a pill (took me a few moments of spinning him in circles so I could get him to stand still so I could, you know, DISMOUNT), and she and I are both on him to just STAND STILL and freaking BEHAVE!!

Talking to D.C. and doing a quick run through about how the first loop had gone.
Credit to SAGA Lifestyle Photography.

I tell her I've offered him water, gave him a 10 count, then moved on, which is a strategy she says she also uses and approved of.  His heart rate was a little high, so we try to offer him water (no dice, he wasn't having any of it), he drags me over to someone's alfalfa and snatches a mouthful (are you KIDDING me Dez?!) as I rip him back off of it.  We get him to finally come down and we go to vet him through.

Realizing that the photographer is right there and you're completely oblivious.
Credit SAGA Lifestyle Photography.

He vets through nicely.  Doesn't COMPLETELY try to kill the vets.  So, we head out, and back to the trailer.  I wolfed down a quick lunch, chugged lots of water, and realized our hold time was just about over.  I had no idea where I was in the pack (didn't care), and didn't expect to catch up to anyone at this point, so, I swung back up, and out we went again.

Here's our Loop 1 stats:

Splits

	Time	Cumulative Time	Moving Time				Avg Speed	Avg Moving Speed	Max Speed
1	10:45	10:45	10:37				5.6	5.7	9.3
2	7:24.3	18:10	7:19				8.1	8.2	9.7
3	7:00.5	25:10	6:56				8.6	8.7	10.1
4	7:07.6	32:18	7:02				8.4	8.5	13.2
5	8:17.7	40:35	8:07				7.2	7.4	10.2
6	7:26.9	48:02	7:20				8.1	8.2	9.3
7	8:51.1	56:53	8:41				6.8	6.9	9.9
8	8:51.5	1:05:45	8:38				6.8	6.9	9.8
9	7:51.2	1:13:36	7:39				7.6	7.8	11.2
10	9:29.0	1:23:05	9:14				6.3	6.5	10.3
11	10:57	1:34:02	10:52				5.5	5.5	10.9
12	8:34.2	1:42:36	8:18				7.0	7.2	12.9
13	10:01	1:52:37	9:57				6.0	6.0	12.3
14	10:11	2:02:49	10:03				5.9	6.0	13.1
15	10:36	2:13:24	10:24				5.7	5.8	11.1
16	6:20.3	2:19:45	6:17				9.5	9.5	16.7
17	14:41	2:34:26	9:48				1.8	2.6	9.1
Summary	2:34:26	2:34:26	2:28:03				6.4	6.7	16.7

So, we're set up in a good position as we're heading out on our second loop.

About 2 miles in, that water and food was sitting so heavy in my stomach.  I couldn't get comfortable in the saddle, and Dezzie was doing what I jokingly call the "Quarter Horse Death March".  He wasn't particularly interested in gaiting out or moving quickly.  He would, if asked, but he was just as happy to walk.  I decided this wasn't awful, especially as I just couldn't seem to get balanced or centered.  He also was telling me that the saddle wasn't comfortable.

We're making okay time.  We're on target to finish, and that's all that matters. 

All of a sudden, about 8 or so miles in, Dez flicks and ear back and charges forward.  I cannot figure out what on earth is going on, and then I realize; we're being passed by the hot foot LD riders.

Son of a b....here we go again.  I point him off trail into the weeds, we spin circles, go around trees, ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I can think of to get him to listen to me again. 

He settles down, so I get back on the trail, and we continue on, though, now that he KNOWS they're up there, he's hell bound to ignore me, so he's blistering along faster than I want him to be.  This sand makes me very uncomfortable when I'm on a horse I can't rate.  Suspensory and tendon issues come to mind, and I do NOT want that to happen to ANY horse. 

We circle back on trail, we're back to doing those tricks again.  And FINALLY he seems to settle back down again.

GREAT!!  Whew!!  Okay...and he starts to sandbag me.  "Oh I'm sooooooo tired....I just want to DIEEEEEEE...."

Dramatic much Dez?  I tell him when we get back, we'll swap saddles for him.  I'm so sorry.  I carry on a stream of conversation...then, out of the blue, he takes off...we're heading around a corner, he's charging ahead, and I cannot tell you what happened next as I got separated from my horse at this point.

I vaguely remember riders asking me if I'm okay.  I told them I'm fine.  I think they asked if I needed them to call anyone.  Just said if they could call camp and let them know, I'd appreciate it.  And I started hiking, I think.  I DO eventually have a clear memory of walking down the trail.  I was a little confused for a moment.  I knew where I was.  I knew I'd driven there, and I was PRETTY sure Joe hadn't come with me.  As a few moments ticked by, I snapped back into it, and was concerned that Dez would be lost on the ranch.

However, in less than a mile, I see ahead a bay horse, and a person holding the horse. 

It's DEZ!!!!  OMG!!  He'd been caught!!  A crew of people came up at that point and they checked to make sure I was okay.  Said I was fine, I was going to finish this damn ride now.  But, was my horse okay?  Were there any rules about needing to back track to where we'd separated?  But mostly, was he OKAY?!!!!  They trotted him out, we all watched him, he looked fine to us, so they said "Just get back in the saddle, and go.  You're okay."

Zurkh's mom, D.H. was there, she helped boost my big butt back into the saddle and said "Ride that horse hard, he's not tired."

So I did.  He moved out fine, gaited strongly.  I was gritting my teeth, not angry, but in determination at this point.  I was still a little fuzzy on things, but, by god, I was going to ride this horse!

We make it back in to camp (apparently we'd just missed R.C. heading back out with Tivio), and D.C. is there to meet us again.  Once again, we take a few extra minutes to get him pulsed down, and then head over to the vets, where everything is okay, except for his guts.  Vet wants us to do a recheck before we head back out though.  Not a surprise, I couldn't get him slowed down enough to eat if I'd had 24 hours to finish a 50.  He just wasn't having it.  So, D.C. and I took him back to the trailer, offered him food, and she took him to hand graze him on some of the grass, hoping to get his guts moving.

I was a little less enthusiastic about eating; so gulped down some water and just sat for a few minutes.

D.C. and I got my saddle on him, and headed back over to the vets to have the recheck done.

Guts were still crappy, but, he wasn't gaiting out soundly now.  A slightly "off ness" on his right front (I believe...could have been left front).  We stood around and talked about it.  The guts issue wasn't a problem for us.  We could slow it down, almost walk much of this loop.  But that leg.

One of our primary objectives for this ride was to break Dez of the "All rides are 25 miles, so I can skip eating and drinking" mindset.  If we stopped at this point, we further reinforced this issue for him.  But, if we continued, there was potentially no way he'd finish sound.

It wasn't a long discussion ultimately.  That leg was JUST enough of NQR for us to take the vet's offer of a Rider Option.  We were disappointed, but not greatly.  I was freaked out that I'd hurt him. 

The general consensus is when he made that turn where I came off, he probably hit a little hole in that sand and torqued it just a little bit.  He was just fine and back to 100% in a few days, but that didn't alleviate my sheer guilt it happened under my watch.

We walked him back to the trailer, stripped tack and settled him in with hay while we waited for R.C. to come in off his loop with Tivio.  I at least wanted to wish them continued good luck before I left for the evening!

Which I got to do before leaving around 6ish.  Tivio looked great when I left, and I think they only had 1 or 2 more loops left to go at that point.

So, it was disappointing for me to not get that 50 knocked out on Dezzie.  Truthfully, he has it in him.  I can FEEL it.  He's a sandbagger, which isn't necessarily a desireable quality, but if he can just lock in on his job, eat and drink on trail, he's going to be a force to be reckoned with.

OH!  And, here's our stats for the second loop.

Splits

	Time	Cumulative Time	Moving Time				Avg Speed	Avg Moving Speed	Max Speed
1	8:12.4	8:12.4	8:10				7.3	7.3	13.3
2	6:21.8	14:34	6:18				9.4	9.5	15.7
3	8:28.4	23:03	8:28.4				7.1	7.1	14.3
4	10:37	33:40	10:34				5.7	5.7	10.5
5	9:33.2	43:13	9:29				6.3	6.3	11.8
6	8:18.8	51:32	8:06				7.2	7.4	13.4
7	9:05.6	1:00:37	9:00				6.6	6.7	11.9
8	13:34	1:14:11	13:29				4.4	4.4	11.4
9	11:43	1:25:54	11:35				5.1	5.2	11.9
10	12:38	1:38:32	12:29				4.7	4.8	11.5
11	6:21.7	1:44:54	6:16				9.4	9.6	17.7
12	7:08.1	1:52:02	7:03				8.4	8.5	14.9
13	16:36	2:08:37	15:04				3.6	4.0	11.8
14	25:27	2:34:04	16:19				1.7	2.7	9.8
Summary	2:34:04	2:34:04	2:23:05				5.3	5.8	17.7

The results?....or "Okay, how did the ultrasound go?"

I've been so busy that I haven't had a chance to get back to this, and what happened Saturday at the vet's office.

Friday afternoon, I was feeling progressively more and more sick.  If you're not living under a rock, you know that the flu is taking people down with aggression this year, and I was starting to exhibit flu-like symptoms.  I asked Joe if he could go check on the horses and the cows and fill the troughs and get the truck and trailer hooked up for Saturday morning.  I promptly went to bed.

He offered to drive up Saturday morning since I wasn't well.

Actually, he said I should stay home Saturday morning and he would take Strider himself.

Not.Happening.  I was going to that appointment if I was dying.  He called me a hard-head, stubborn, etc, etc, but the thing is, I know my horse.  I knew what happened, and could tell the vet.  Any additional questions about him, I could answer immediately.  And, I needed to SEE.  Really, any horse owner will understand where I was coming from and what I was feeling.

The reality is that I didn't sleep at all Friday night.  I was wide awake rolling over every possible scenario, and beating off the glimmer of hope that the vet would say my horse was okay and ready to ride again. 

What would I do if the vet said he could never be ridden again?  I know that he always has an invitation to retire at Golden Acres with B's mom.  But, the idea of looking out my windows and not seeing him, not interacting with him killed me inside.  My herd already feels so different without Tilly, to remove Strider too...I just couldn't.

What would I do if the vet cleared him only for light riding?  Quit endurance entirely, maybe look into ETS as that was mostly walking and we could do the obstacles if I felt he could.

Basically I spent the entire night mentally spinning up and down through every permutation of what could or couldn't be, not even daring hope that the vet would say he's okay to go. 

In essence, I was preparing for the worst, hoping for the absolute best, and content with something between the two.

I managed maybe 2 hours of sleep.  At some point of the night, I put on "Ever After", which is one of my go to movies I can put on the tv, watch happily until I get sleepy, and doze off with it still playing.  Honestly, I watched a good deal, closed my eyes and listened to a great deal, dozed off, woke up at some point, and restarted it again to repeat that entire process. 

Finally 7 am rolled around, and we all got up and moving.  I felt better, and had told Joe he could stay home if he didn't want to go with me, but he said he'd already planned to go.  So, while I got Kaylee ready, he went out on the ATV, caught Strider, brought him up and loaded him in the trailer, then we all hit the road around 7:45. 

Stopped for breakfast, but I was only able to choke down one of my donuts.  My stomach was churning, and I was telling Joe my fears and my plans that I'd worked out in the wee hours of the night.

I told him I just couldn't send Strider away to Golden Acres.  He sighed and said "Okay.  I understand that.  But, if he can't ever be ridden again, he gets no special or additional treatments that cost us money."

Agreed to that.  We're just not made of money.  Now, I'll always make him comfortable, even if it comes out of my own personal budget, and I can spend my own money on him all I wish, but Joe was saying that no more special grain (not that he's getting any right now; horses aren't working, they don't need anything extra), no special supplements, etc. 

The drive really was short up to the clinic.  Just about 15 minutes north of my parent's home, and, right at the turn off for P&P Trailer Sales in Salado.

Of course, GPS isn't always what it's cracked up to be.  She shot us PAST the entrance for the clinic, which I noticed as we went by.  On a narrow 2 lane road.  Thankfully, just a little past the clinic is a road which we were able to swing the whole rig around in, get turned around and headed back to the clinic.

As we turn in, Joe and I are a little wide-eyed in wonder.  Gorgeous horses, beautiful pipe fencing, and open fields.  We drive by what appears to be a broodmare field.  2 mares and their foals.  We creep by the collection barn, breeding barn, and a few other structures.  We're both looking for an office, or where we need to go, when I finally spot a sign that says "Office", and a note to not off-load until you're checked in.

Done and done!

I run into the office, let them know I'm here, and get the thumbs up to go offload my horse.

The vets finish up with the horse before mine, and I bring him into the barn, where I give the vet a run down of what happened, my thoughts, and what he's used for.

We put him in the stocks, just to get him used to them for a moment while the vet goes in to consult with another vet.  They both come out, and the tech does a trot out down the alleyway.

And then they begin flexing him.  Flex at the pastern, trot out.  Flex at the hock, trot out.  Flex the whole leg, trot out.

Repeat on the other leg.

Front.

Other front.

The vet turns to me and says "I don't see anything wrong with him at all.  He reacts slightly to the left front suspensory, but not significantly."

My heart in my throat, "Do you think he can do endurance again?"

"Most definitely.  Condition him back up and go back to riding.  He's just fine."

As I walked Strider out of that barn, my eyes filled with tears as I leaned against that black neck and sobbed.  I bawled like a baby as I grabbed at my horse's neck, holding him tight. 

Joe, who had walked out behind me just started laughing at me.

As a horse owner, the relief of knowing that, not only is our horse GOING to be okay, but IS okay is so liberating. 

Look, I mean, here's PROOF my horse is okay!!!

This was, without a doubt, the BEST $40 I've ever spent on him.  To actually KNOW my horse is okay, to KNOW that my horse can return to endurance.  Peace of mind comes at a price, and apparently mine was $40.

So, we loaded him back in the trailer, where I got distracted with the idea that I needed to pay, so I forgot to shut the window at the manger.

What did Strider do?  Try to kill himself by escaping THROUGH the manger window.

I'm talking to the receptionist, and see my trailer is rocking like mad.  That's not normal.  What's going on?  I rush out to see my horse JAMMED his front end in the manger.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME HORSE?!  YOU JUST GOT CLEARED TO RIDE!!!!

We managed to convince him to back out, and I made Joe walk him around the yard to make sure he was stepping out okay.  Thankfully, moved out just fine.  Damn horse trying to give me a coronary!

We slowly head back out, swing by for a brief visit with my parents, then head for home, while I manage to eat my other donut.  And from there, run errands and go grocery shopping for the rest of the day.

Now, having had the foresight, I booked Sunday full.  My sister to come over to drop of a dresser and do a "play date" with her granddaughter and Kaylee.  Jodi Brassard of Brassard Equine Acupressure to come and do Strider in the afternoon. 

It was good/bad planning.

Good in that, had I gotten bad news, I was too busy to dwell on it.  Bad in that, BECAUSE I got good news, I didn't have time to haul out and go riding!!

So, instead, Joe saddled up Socks and Zurkh while I penned Strider up to work on his feet and they went riding.

I opted to walk towards the back, as I wasn't sure how Socks would react to the cows while under saddle.

Oh, yeah....we have 1 cow of our own and a "friend" cow.

HAH, new additions.

This is our cow, a Zebu mix, I've started calling Stripey.

This is the 'friend' cow named Chili.

So, I walked with Joe and Kaylee out back.  One, walking is healthy.  Two, to be there if Kaylee needed me.  We are dedicated to making sure she has nothing but good experiences while riding Zurkh.

Love.

Joe on Socks, Kaylee on Zurkh, and our 3rd "horse", Rango!

Joe and Socks, Kaylee and Zurkh, Rango
and our "ranch dog", the Dachshund, Pancho Villa.

They rode for about 30 minutes until Joe's knee couldn't take it anymore.  We headed back up, and since I figured my sister's granddaughter would want to ride, we loosened cinches on the horses and left them tied up while I got to work on Strider's feet.

Then it was a flurry of activity.  Sister and her husband and granddaughter showed up.  5 minutes later, Jodi showed up.  And we got to work on Strider.  She said he felt great.  A little arthritis, but she felt that perhaps some of that is because he's been out of work.  She said she didn't remember him feeling like that before, so we are going to try getting him under saddle, get the joint fluid moving more and see where we're at.  She also said his front shoulders were a little 'off'.  I was like "OH!!  Probably because he jammed himself into the manger in my trailer!"  She said that was most likely what it was as, just from a few moments of work, they were already releasing.

Our plan now is to start riding him, bringing him back to work and then we'll do another session with him at the end of March.

So, plans are in place to get him back to work.  Apparently the PFHA National Championship ride is in Indiana this year in September.  I don't know if I could have him ready to qualify in time this year.  We'll see.

I have decided that he'll come do the NATRC ride I'll be doing at the beginning of March.  We'll be doing the Novice division, so the speed is much slower, and doable with a mixture of walking and gaiting.  And, it's at 7iL, so a venue I already know is barefoot friendly.  I'm a little concerned about the sand, but, we'll walk or canter the sand, no big deal!

First things first though, put a saddle on him and just GO RIDE!!!

Tomorrow I'll know...or "What's that heavy ball of steel in my guts?"

Ever since making the appointment to haul Strider to Brazos Valley Equine Hospital in Salado, I've been living with a tiny knot of anxiety in my stomach.

As we turned the corner and started the countdown on Monday, the knot of anxiety has transformed into a ball of lead in my stomach that's weighing me down. 

Every day, almost as soon as I'm alert, my mind ticks down; "5 more days until Saturday."...."4 more days until Saturday."

This morning it was "One more sleep, and then we'll know for sure."

This entire week has just been so outside of the norm, which has helped keep me from spending my evenings worrying away at my anxiety like a dog with a bone. 

Monday night we drove in to work so we could go visit Kaylee's first "babysitter", Miss A's daughter who just had her son.  So, we didn't get home until close to 10 that evening with all the driving.

Tuesday was normal, though we were all tired and cranky.  When we got home from work, Kaylee and I went out and filled up the troughs, which I noticed aren't as low as they used to be.  Either Tilly was a HUGE drinker, or my horses aren't drinking as much.  That doesn't make me very happy if it's the latter...and actually, the former makes me a little sad too.

But, Kaylee and I then went to go find the horses and check on them.  It's so funny how the loss of Tilly is felt in interesting and surprising ways.  I hadn't realized how easy she made it for me to find my herd.  GREAT BIG HUGE GLEAMING WHITE body is far easier to find than all black horse, and bay horse with 4 high white socks and the pony sized gray.  In fact, I found Zurkh first, although it took some looking, and then it took me another 30 seconds to spot the other 2.  Zurkh seems to be by himself.  Near the big boys, but not near them.  He and Tilly were the best of frenemies. 

But, I needed to lay hands on my 4 leggers.  I always do, just some nights, I run out of time to run out to visit with them.  It's become almost reflex now, I run my hands down Strider's left hind, gently palpating it, then run my hand down his right, seeing if they feel the same to my inexperienced hands.

Tuesday night, they felt identical.  But, that doesn't mean anything.  And I then spent the rest of the night fighting against hope.  Because if I allow myself to have hope, I'll be crushed if the news is he isn't better.

Wednesday we got a surprise inspection from the county appraiser to check on our cow, which, wasn't yet on site.  After some scrambling, we arranged to go pick her up, and a loaner "friend" for her from H.  She's a cute little zebu mix that I'm calling "Stripey" right now.  The other is nicknamed "Big Red" for now, but she's also a miniature cow.

Another night where we got home around 9:30ish.

Thursday morning saw us dragging out of the house, quite tired and more than a little cranky with a toddler in tow.  She fell asleep on the bus on the way to work and school and did NOT want to be awakened to get up and go to school.  I don't blame her as I slept all the way in to work myself.  The bonus of riding the bus.

Last night I made Joe and Kaylee go out and do a livestock check and fill the troughs since I was on deck to make dinner.  I didn't need to drive myself nuts touching Strider over and over again, because I'm quite firmly on that crazy train and we're flying out of the station to LooneyLand. 


I'm not sure how I'm going to get to sleep tonight.  I've asked Joe to help me unhook the stock trailer that H lent us to bring the cows home in, and help me hook up Hannibal and Red Draggin' for Strider's appointment tomorrow.  I already know I'm going to be a ball of nerves tomorrow, and hooking the truck up alone is already a stressful venture for me, and just one more thing I don't want to deal with tomorrow morning along with everything else. 

Not going to lie, I'm scared.  I keep trying to emotionally prepare myself for them saying "He'll never be riding sound again."  I know that's being over dramatic, but, the truth is, anything that's more positive than that is better than what's going on now, right?  Granted, if he's never able to be ridden again, he could probably go retire to "Golden Acres" with B's mom.  I just don't think I could bear to be parted from him though. 

These are the thoughts going through my head.

If he can no longer do endurance, that would also mean NATRC would be out for him too.  Maybe we could do ETS.  It was a relatively short trail ride broken up by obstacles that didn't push him too hard. 

I just can't imagine riding anyone but my best buddy.  Oh, he makes me mad.  He pisses me off something fierce.  But, I always tell people he is my reflection in horse form.  He and I share personalities.  Only his is a little bit bigger and tougher. 

I need more time to mentally adjust to the concept that someday I will have to replace him.  That someday he'll need to retire.  That someday he'll no longer be with me.

But, first thing I need to do is get through tomorrow. 

So, while I'm not a religious person, if you pray, and you're so inclined, spare a brief prayer for him?  If you're more of a "thoughts" or "healing energy" or "love and light" person, and you're so inclined, could you spare some for him?

And maybe a good night's sleep for me?  It's an hour haul to Salado.  A lot of time there and back for me to spiral mentally into bad places.  And a potentially long ride home with bad news.

Please, don't let it be bad news.  Even more time off is preferable and a recheck down the road. 

I'm ready for this lead ball in my stomach to dissipate and disappear. 

And I'm more than ready to have my best buddy back.

River Run Year 3; Part 2.....or "Well...? Who/What/Where/When?"

Wow, this has taken a LONG time to get to, hasn't it?  Work and the holidays really threw everything out of wack!!!

So, where was I?

Ahhhh yes, day 2 of River Run, who was on deck, or did I just pack it in and head for home?

So, Saturday evening, before the ride meeting, D.C. came over to our camp and said "If you're game, we think Dez looks good enough to do another day."

GAME ON!!!

We went and got signed up, and then piddled away the rest of the day, hanging out with my girls at the Land Yacht, playing with our horses, taking them for walks, and just relaxing and savoring a ride well done together.

When it was time for ride meeting, we realized we finished comfortably towards the back of the pack, exactly where he needed to be!!

Out of 46 starters, 36 finished.  We were 29th with a ride time of 4:33!  I will take a ride like that day after day after day.  Solid and consistent time without having to race to make cut offs! And plenty of horse left for day 2!!!

At the awards meeting/dinner, we heard some people behind us talking about some horses that had gotten loose.  C.B. had the foresight to quietly slip off and check on all of ours to make sure that they were safe and secure still in their pens (they were). 

So, after we got our awards, we headed back to the Land Yacht, chit chatted some more, and finally started turning in for bed.  However, I was so congested, I was up most of the night.  Around 10ish I was aware of some loud and thumping music.  Truthfully, I thought the music was coming from somewhere in camp, so at about midnight, I left the trailer to take a walk (I kept coughing and choking and didn't want to keep C.B. and T.M. up all night!) and try to figure out who was having a mini-rave in camp.  I fully planned to knock on a door and ask them to PLEASE knock it off.

Turns out, apparently ride camp is near a bar that had some music thumping until 2 am.  Ask me how I know how late the music went on for.  Three guesses, and the first two don't count.

I finally fell asleep around 3ish, and was up again around 5:30ish.  Not an ideal sleep situation, but, work with what you've got!!

Stuffing food in my mouth and racing over to D.C. and R.C.'s trailer to help get ponies ready. 

R.C.'s horse who had done the 50 on Saturday was heading out for day 2 to do an LD in preparation for High Roller's 75.  And today, D.C. swore, come hell or high water, she was riding!!  HOORAY!!!

So, all 3 of  us mounted up, waited a few moments for the hot feet to book it, and away we went!

While out on trail, our motley gang of 2 Paso Finos and 1 Arabian met up with a newbie rider on her horse (M.D. on her horse, who's name escapes me, but according to the results, is River in Motion).  We all quickly clicked together and chugged happily down the trail.

See?!

Having a great ride with great people on day 2 at River Run! 
I love how intense Dezzie looks here! That is a horse on a mission!
Photo courtesy of John Nowell (purchased)

D.C. really seemed to enjoy the river part of the trail.  Truthfully, it's one of my favorite parts as well.  It's shaded, peaceful, and the trails have just enough twist and turn to keep it interesting!!!  I completely enjoyed riding with her, and R.C. (again) and our new friend M.D.  I kept glancing down at my Garmin and was surprised by the time we were making.  It was so nice!

Before we really even knew it, we were all making our way back to camp.

Now, remember when I mentioned that at the dinner, we'd heard about the loose horses?

It was true.

And, in fact, the trail was re-routed because one of them had a catastrophic injury in the dark and they were waiting for the remains to be removed from the trail.

It put a damper on our happy little crew, and made me a little sick to my stomach.  Death can happen in our own pastures, but it's got to be so very painful to make a return trip home without your friend and partner. 

At the end of the first loop.  Yep, I look bad dismounting
but there is a horse who still has juice to keep going!
Photo courtesy of John Nowell.

These are our splits for the first loop.

To say that Dezzie has a nice, forward way of going is an understatement. 

	Time	Cumulative Time	Moving Time				Avg Speed	Avg Moving Speed	Max Speed
1	12:50	12:50	12:38				4.7	4.7	9.6
2	7:42.7	20:33	7:38				7.8	7.9	10.0
3	8:34.0	29:07	8:31				7.0	7.0	10.0
4	9:19.8	38:27	8:55				6.4	6.7	9.6
5	8:56.5	47:23	8:49				6.7	6.8	10.3
6	7:54.4	55:18	7:52				7.6	7.6	10.0
7	9:15.3	1:04:33	9:07				6.5	6.6	10.7
8	9:33.2	1:14:06	9:17				6.3	6.5	10.3
9	9:49.8	1:23:56	9:45				6.1	6.2	11.0
10	13:49	1:37:45	13:09				4.3	4.6	10.1
11	11:28	1:49:13	11:18				5.2	5.3	10.2
12	12:40	2:01:53	10:56				4.4	5.1	10.0
Summary	2:01:53	2:01:53	1:58:28				5.9	6.0	11.0

So, we vetted through just fine and headed back to the trailers to let the horses rest and relax.  R.C.'s boy was a little tired, and R.C. wanted him to have better gut sounds, so he and D.C. opted to wait longer than the mandatory hold to allow him to refuel and get a few more minutes break.  The added bonus is that the two of them could ride TOGETHER.  Which is something that I gather they don't get to do a lot of.  So, M.D. and I headed out together to hit that second and final loop.

Dezzie was ready to rock and roll, but we tried to keep it to a dull roar.  I think he was starting to feel a little back sore as he was stretching down, not to rip the reins through my hands, but, it felt more like he was trying to stretch his back out.  I was using their Barefoot on him with a Skito, but he kept asking to canter, and I wanted him to take it easy as M.D.'s horse didn't seem to mentally be prepared for that on ride day.  So, he and I had lots of discussions about it.  And I made a mental note that if we rode together again, he would need a different saddle, at least for the second loop.  Maybe swap him out for my own saddle if needs be.

And, once again, before we knew it, we were heading back to camp.  And, unsurprisingly, Dezzie just REFUSED to drink the whole damn ride.  He has race brain still something fierce.  You would think on day 2 he'd be more settled down and in, and, oh, I dunno, maybe THIRSTY?!  Nope.  Not Dezzie!!

I kept thinking R.C. and D.C. would catch up to us on trail, and they did, as we were coming in to camp!  :)

These are our splits for the second loop.  We took it nice and easy.

	Time	Cumulative Time	Moving Time				Avg Speed	Avg Moving Speed	Max Speed
1	11:28	11:28	11:22				5.2	5.3	9.9
2	12:13	23:42	11:57				4.9	5.0	9.3
3	9:00.8	32:42	8:56				6.7	6.7	9.6
4	10:35	43:17	10:27				5.7	5.7	9.3
5	13:27	56:44	12:58				4.5	4.6	10.4
6	10:09	1:06:53	10:07				5.9	5.9	11.2
7	11:35	1:18:28	11:27				5.2	5.2	10.6
8	14:16	1:32:44	13:13				4.2	4.5	12.6
9	12:33	1:45:17	12:24				4.8	4.8	11.0
10	16:53	2:02:09	16:20				3.6	3.7	4.7
11	14:12	2:16:21	13:52				4.2	4.3	9.6
12	7:42.2	2:24:03	7:24				3.5	3.6	4.2
Summary	2:24:03	2:24:03	2:21:24				4.8	4.9	12.6

And, is anyone at all surprised that Dezzie completed?

In fact, our entire crew completed!!!

Dezzie was ALMOST Turtle (R.C. took turtle, dangit!  LOL!!!) with a ride time of 4:57

Overall, it was a great weekend with a fine horse!!

AND!!! I earned my 250 LD mile patch on Saturday on Dezzie.  It was such an honor and a blessing to be trusted with such a fine animal to carry me across the finish line (such as it is for an LD ride). 

I am ever so grateful that they offered me the use of their horse.  I'm ever so grateful that I met R.C. at River Run 3 years ago and got to ride with him that day.  And I'm beyond grateful to call them friends and part of my endurance tribe.

Thank you R.C. and D.C.

And thank YOU Dezzie!!!

Now...about High Roller.....

Where have you been....or "Good, bad and forever good byes"

Sorry for the long absence!!  I partially blame AERC for not having ride results posted yet, and partially....well...life has gotten so freaking busy! 

I have a post in the works regarding River Run...and a post in the works for High Roller (spoiler alert, I went).

However....there's other stuff too...which won't be as time intensive, so I thought, in the interim while I wait for AERC, I'll drop this post.

Good news?
Strider has an appointment on February 3rd to have an ultrasound done on his left hind.  So, I can FINALLY know if he's ready to go back to work, or if he continues to need more time off work to finish the healing process (and perhaps a rough idea of how long it will take).  I've considered hopping up bareback so many times, or saddling up for a walk around the property, but the fact is, the last time I was on him bareback, he wanted to go so badly.  And, yes, he has the freedom to run and jump and act a fool on his own, but add a rider to the mix, and all of a sudden his balance changes.  So, I resist the urge and wait.  And I'm constantly touching that left hind and comparing it to the right.  Some days, I think I feel NO puffiness.  Other days, I'm positive I do.  So, now I'll know for SURE.

Medium news?
With that in mind, I've started legging up Socks, with an eye to a VERY slow 50 at Buffalo Run in April.  I've never done a ride out of state, but when J.L. (Cowboy and Jett's mommy) mentioned that it wasn't much further away than going to Racing Stripes in Mount Pleasant, and she could do more than stay and ride for one day, the decision was simple. 

Buffalo Run, here we come!!  Need to find out if it's also TERA sanctioned.  Hoping it is!

Right now, we're doing some lunging as I just don't have time to ride at night when we get home.  We started with 20 minutes of solid trot (and some canter) on the line, and we're now up to 25 minutes (and some canter).  I'll be taking him out for a road ride this weekend.

On the 15th, I took Tilly out for a road ride, which wasn't exactly the most pleasant.  We practiced wearing a rump rug.  We lunged with it covering her butt, and with it drawn up.  Then it was head out the gate, practice the "Come pick me up" cue and get in the saddle.  Then we fought about which direction to go.  Ultimately, I let her win because she was willing to go left out of our gate, but started getting downright dangerous when asked to go right out of our front gate.  If you'll move your feet, I'm semi-willing to allow you to pick our route.  So, we rode the entire length of the county road that parallels our property.  We had some spook moments.  Some freak moments.  But, her slow walk is about 4.5, and her medium, not even pushing hard at a gait speed is at 8.5.  Impressive.

However, I only got in about an hour and 10 minutes.  I wanted a little bit more time in the saddle, so Joe let us in the gate at the house and I went to ride around some more.  Yeah.  Not a bright idea, truth be told.  But only is obvious in retrospect.  The rest of the herd was loose, so as she and I went to the back pasture, they came thundering up behind her, which caused some tension and anxiety.  We fought for a bit, and I realized, she was just getting more and more worked up, and I would be better off to get off and work with her on the ground.

And that's when all hell broke loose.  The herd bolted off through the trees, and Tilly took off with them.  And she just kept accelerating.  No one rein stop (she's stiff as a board, and I forgot to work on flexing her before I got on, as Michael Gason teaches...I just spaced out).  And I realized, perhaps, for my own safety, it's just better to bail off a fleeing horse on semi-soft ground.

So I did.  Oh, I was cussing and swearing up a blue storm the entire time, but I bailed off.

There's a reason I now always wear a helmet.  I'm semi-sure I got a mild concussion as I don't remember getting up and walking to the house very clearly.  I don't remember when Kaylee joined me either, but she was there with me.

I dread to think about how bad it might have been had I NOT been wearing my helmet.

And, sadly, it was a brand new helmet.  So already, I need to replace it.  ANNOYING!!!  But, cheaper than an ER visit any day of the week!

After that ride, I realized our next session was perhaps better spent on a lunge line.  So, that next Sunday I worked her for 20 minutes.  Girl didn't even break a sweat, knew to conserve her energy, but, when working to the right, she could stretch out.  Gorgeous to watch.  Just gorgeous.

The bad news?
Sometime early Tuesday the 23rd, Tilly passed away. 
It was my worst nightmare made reality.  We were leaving for work and as we were going down the driveway, I saw her, and I knew, I KNEW the second our headlights hit her, she was gone.
Hysterical crying and sobbing ensued while Joe checked her.
But, she was gone.

Ground was undisturbed, and she was on her side, no trauma.  We opted to not do a necropsy on her.  Suspicion is an aneurysm.

Joe stayed home with me, and he was tasked with finding someone to come get her.  I couldn't remain calm enough to talk to anyone.

Thankfully, he found a very kind gentleman who was able to come and collect her.  I couldn't go outside either during the process.  But, he told Joe that the low fee he charges really only covers his costs.  He views this service as an act of love (he's a horseman himself), and he understands it's necessary.  He told Joe that she wouldn't be alone; she's going to a state approved facility where other equines are buried.  And, for whatever that was worth, it eased my pain a little.  The idea of a horse going to the dump (which is, sadly, where many end up), pains me.  And, while I didn't love her as I love any of my boys, I loved her still. 

Kaylee doesn't seem to understand where Tilly went, just that she's not coming back.  Sometimes she's at "Miss H's" (where Dakini is).  Sometimes she knows Tilly is in Heaven.  And last night, Tilly became a unicorn who lives in a rainbow.

Any which way, bless you Tilly.  They say you learn the most from the most challenging of horses.  You had more lessons to teach me, and I wish we'd had more time so I could have learned them, but, run free big girl. 

Tilly and I at Lake Sam Rayburn in November.

Socks, Strider and Tilly (right after her arrival at HGR).

Larger than life. And a unicorn to boot.