It isn't always pretty or happy...

So, after taking Rango to his dog training on Saturday morning, and realizing that if I'd just make a left hand turn I could bolt to the barn with new dog in tow and check on my herd, I opted to do so.  And I was so glad I did.

Rango LOVES the barn.  Horse poop is THE BEST EVER!!  Horses are THE BEST EVER!!!  Walking and smelling at the barn is THE BEST EVER!!!!  Horses running and bucking and farting makes him want to run and jump and play which is THE BEST EVER!!!!!!  Suffice to say, he had a good time out there.  Made me laugh to watch him being so silly and stretched out at the end of his lead sniffing and checking it out. 

The downside is that Strider's suspensory is still tender with a gentle pinch.  Dakini appears to be just fine.  Strider, well, not so much.  I'm left to both kick myself, and to scratch my head in puzzlement about the whole thing.  And to accept that he's going to go into a stall for however long he has to go into a stall. 

On an upside, I happened to notice that there's a Scoot Boot fitter coming through the area, so she's going to swap out the pair I have that don't fit Strider, and I'll have her go ahead and fit Dakini instead.  So, at least Dakini can run with boots on the fronts until I can afford boots for her rears.  And, as Strider is outta the game for 6+ months, I can save up for his 2 pairs.  Eventually Socks will end up with his own set as well, though he has good and strong feet.

I thought about riding Saturday, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  I couldn't say why.  Fear?  Anxiety?  Just feeling very down right now. 

I used the very real and rational excuse that because the dirt bikers were out on the "good" side of the property, I shouldn't ride.  I don't like the rocky side of the property as much as the other side of the property, so...I lied and gave myself permission to not ride.

I keep thinking maybe I can squeeze in a quick 20-30 minute ride with Socks on Wednesday before the vet shows up, but the reality will be that I just won't.  Maybe I'll go work with him some in the round pen on the "Come Pick Me Up" cue that he doesn't know. 

The truth is that riding always makes me feel better, but right now I fear that when I ride I'm just inflicting pain.  I know, rationally, this isn't true, but I'm feeling that way. 

Generally I try to remain upbeat and positive.  The reality is I don't always feel that way.  Right now I'm just in a "slump" which I know I will get through.  And I do know the fastest way to get through a slump is to get back on a horse and ride.  My current plan is to either squeeze in a quick ride Wednesday before the vet comes and then ride again on Saturday.  Or, JUST ride on Saturday.

But, I really REALLY need to get in the ride on Wednesday morning.  If just to begin the torture for my body that riding a trotting horse will bring.  For 25 miles.  I have until the end of March to prepare my body for the beatdown.  Socks has got this.  I've got this.  And Dakini's got this too. 

I will overcome the fear and the anxiety and the "blahs" I'm experiencing right now.  Best way to do it is on the back of a good horse.  And Socks is best horse.  And he will restore my confidence and wash away the anxiety.